The 7 is heaven scale

In many of our workshops we use the 7 is Heaven scale. Let me tell you a little about this helpful scale that helps to keep your exercises safe and consentual.

You can imagine that when you squeeze someone’s hand, a 1 means you barely feel it, and a 10 is way too hard. Somewhere in between is exactly the right amount of pressure that feels just right. That’s what we call a 7. A 6 means it could be a bit firmer, an 8 is slightly too much.

You could  shake someone’s hand using the 7 is Heaven scale, but you can also slap someone on the butt using the same scale.

The 7. Your 7. It’s a personal number. There’s a giver and a receiver. And It’s really up to the receiver to honestly feel, in the moment, what number it is. You can trust your feeling—if you think, “Hmm, that could be a bit more,” then that’s a 6. If you think, “Oof, that’s a bit too much,” that’s an 8.

The nice thing about using numbers is that it makes it very easy to tune in to each other. It’s a personal number.  So… When someone says “8” and you thought you were giving a 3, you respect that. You don’t shame them—you just ease down your intensity.

When you receive a number, you acknowledge it. Your intention is a 7, but it’s not bad if you end up giving a 6 or an 8. Your intention is to try to tune to a 7.

Also, start slowly—the body needs time to adapt. For example, when you squeeze someone from a 6 to a 7 and hold it, over time it might become a 6 again. The body adjusts, sensitivity shifts. Sometimes you reach a 7 quickly, and it gradually becomes an 8, meaning you need to soften. Trying to give a 7 means your interaction will probably last longer and that’s what we like ? Don’t we?

What also helps is to define when a session begins and ends. We often suggest making a playlist of three songs. You can then say, “We play and explore during the first two, and i shall use the last one for winding down and some aftercare.” I offcourse choose softer longer song for that.

When you’ve explored giving that 7, and you stop the play. Then immediately give some aftercare. Rub the area, check if everything is okay.

It’s important to remember that what feels like a 7 to you might easily be a 9 to someone else. Pain and comfort thresholds are deeply personal and unique.

During plays like these emotions and memories can rise to the top. Realise that this can happen. The best response would be to stop what your are doing and hold space for what unfolds. Don’t try to fix the situation or over-analyse. Just hold space.

We hope to see you in one of our upcoming workshops so you can explore your 7.